Lost & Figured.

I thought I lost something in the middle of this journey. I was angry, I was constantly dissatisfied and disappointed with this and that. I blamed people in my silent thoughts. I still let people injured me mentally - psycho. Never knew how my surrounding has poison my mental and physical. I don't even feel safe being around everyone. 

Then it hits me hard today. Truth that I have just figured in my dark, cold room. 

All the things that i blamed for all this while were inaccurate. I started to remember how happy I was few years back. How things were so uncertain but I kept on trying to assemble my happy thoughts as the idea of being the happiest person in my own world. 

I realize now that I started losing my passion towards myself. I stopped taking care of myself, stop finding my own happiness and constantly be reminded of all the sad and unpleasant feelings. What? What is wrong with me?? I feel so toxic now. I feel ugly and paranoid at the same time. 

Goshh.